Beautiful Nightmare
by Sarmiek13
Summary: Still haunted by her brutal rape 6 years ago,Clare Edwards is still terrorized by her nightmares about that horrible night.Thinking she will never find anyone who loves her,past included,she meets a mysterious man with an even darker past than her own...
1. Remembering

**Disclaimer: No, sadly, I do not own Degrassi. But I do own this story! :)**

**This is my first FanFiction, so I hope you guys like it! well...Enjoy!**

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><p>Clare's POV<p>

I was fifteen when _it _happened. Six years ago to this day and I can still smell the foul stench of alcohol on _his _breath_, _haunting me in my nightmares. I'm sitting by the window of my apartment, looking out at the young girls playing outside, thinking, "if I could only start over, and go back to when I was pure, and innocent, then maybe someone, _anyone_, would love me". Hot tears begin to roll down my face as I remember, all too well, the night that ruined my life.

It was around mid-night, I was walking down a dark secluded street, coming back from a friends 16th birthday party, when a male figure appeared in the distance. I looked around to see if there was any other way I could take to avoid him, but there wasn't, so continued to walk with my head slightly bowed. As I got closer I noticed that the man was extremely drunk, and appeared to be not that much older than me, perhaps about eighteen years old. He seemed to be in lost in his own sad little world, and for some reason I pitied him, but that feeling didn't last long. As I passed him, I mentally sighed in relief that he didn't seem to notice me, but I was wrong_, very_ wrong.

As I walked, I heard someone following me, and I was certain it was the man. Fear rushed through me as I imagined the worst. I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I quickened my pace; I looked over my shoulder to see that there was nobody behind me. I sighed in relief, and as I turned around I crashed into someone. _Him_.

"Hey, where you going off to so quickly?" he slurred

It was too dark to see his face, but I couldn't help but notice that he had a beautiful, almost soothing voice. As soon as that thought left my head, I mentally cursed myself for thinking that way. I tried to quickly go around him, but he stopped me by grabbing my wrist.

"Hey, I asked you a question. The least you could do is answer me" he said smugly.

"Let go of me" I demanded

"But why? You're so….so soft." He lifted the hand he wasn't using to hold me, and gently grazed his fingertips over my arm. I couldn't help but think that him touching me felt…right. But that thought left just as quickly as it came when he started to kiss my neck. I pushed my free hand against his chest as hard as I could to escape his grip, which was a bad idea, because it only made him angry.

"Why are you trying to resist me? I know you like it" he whispered huskily

"No I don't. Let go of me, please!" I pleaded

He continued as if he didn't hear me, which I know he did.

"If you don't let me go, I'll scream!" I threatened

"Go ahead and scream" he said, "No one will hear you."

I ignored his statement and let out the most blood churning scream I could manage, but it was no use. He was right; no one would hear me screaming for my life.

He covered my mouth with his hand and dragged me into a dark alley, and for some odd reason, gently placed me on the ground before crawling on top of me and removing my thin floral dress.

The only things I could hear were the sounds him ripping open something, his heaving breathing, and my quiet sobbing.

The only things I could smell was the foul stench of alcohol on his breath and rotten trash.

The only thing I could feel was something hard invading my most private area.

The only thing I could see, was darkness, And before I blacked out, I swear I could hear him whisper repeatedly, "I'm sorry."

End Of Chapter 1

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><p><strong>AN: Do ya like it? should I continue? Review, review, review! :)**


	2. Regret

**A/N: So I wrote Chapter 2 of the story today, and I decided to just post it. This chapter is Eli's POV and its happening at the same time Clare is thinking about her rape.**

**This story is going to be alternating POV's btw, and it's going to be pretty long...**

**Enjoyy! and revieww! :)**

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><p>Eli's POV<p>

Today was the day. Today was the exact day that six years ago I had done something I'd never imagined I was capable of. I had spent the last six years of my life trying to make up for what I did, trying to _forget _what I did, but that was impossible. I'm certainly not proud of what I used to be, or what I am. The only person, who knows of my dark past, is my best friend Adam. He knows that I was messed up, and that I was lost and unaware of the consequences of my actions, but that's no excuse for what I did to that poor defenseless girl. After six years, I had still not forgiven myself, and probably never would.

I can still hear her screams in my nightmares that I have each night. The same nightmare, _every _night_._ I don't believe in God, but if there is one I guess that's one of the ways He's punishing me, and I deserve every bit of it. And more. I hope that this new apartment I'm moving to in the city will give me somewhat of a clean slate, even though I know that's impossible.

I parked my hearse, Morty; outside the 20 story apartment building and made my way inside. Now I know what you're thinking, "A hearse? Named Morty?" well what can I say it was cheap, and the name just fit. As I made my way inside I took notice of my surroundings, my new apartment was in a decent part of town, near most restaurants and shops, not that I cared. Once inside I took the elevator up to the twelfth floor, while I thought about the night that made me hate myself even more than I already did.

I'm not going to lie, that night I was _completely _wasted. After a year, I was still depressed about losing Julia. _Julia. _Julia had been my whole life, the love of my life, even though I was only seventeen when we had first slept together. I had killed her, unintentionally of course. The night she died, we had a fight, and I said some really hurtful things to her, that I didn't mean. She was really upset and took off on her bike in the night, and got hit by a car. To this day I still blame myself for her death, even though there was nothing I could've possibly done to have prevented it. I guess it was something like fate. Like it was supposed to happen. Blah blah blah. All I know is that I messed up, and that I certainly didn't learn from my mistake.

The night I did what I did to that poor girl, was the anniversary of Julia's death, so I went to a bar to drown my sorrows in alcohol. After a countless number of the strongest drinks, I paid the bill and started to walk home. It was around mid-night, and I was walking down a dark secluded street when I saw a figure walking in the distance. As I got closer I noticed it was a girl, probably a few years younger than I was, walking with her head slightly bowed. I didn't plan to do what I did, I acted on impulse. I was feeling lonely and lost and she was just there. As she passed me I stopped in my tracks and began to follow her, I'm sure she noticed because she began to walk to walk a bit faster, and I wasn't having any of that because once I wanted something I did whatever it took to get it.

She was far ahead of me, so I decided to take a shortcut through an alley so I could get to her quicker. As I approached her, I saw her look over her shoulder, and I took that as an opportunity to block her path. Once she turned around she crashed into me, just like I wanted her to.

"Hey, where you going off to so quickly?" I asked

It was too dark for me to see her face, but I could see that she was a bit shorter than me, and that she had short curly hair. She tried to get away, but I stopped her by grabbing her wrist.

"Hey, I asked you a question. The least you could do is answer me" I said smugly.

"Let go of me" she demanded

"But why? You're so….so soft." I raised my free hand and gently grazed my fingertips over the soft skin of her arm. As I did this, I felt as if electricity was running through my fingertips, a sensation I had only ever felt with Julia. I then began to gently kiss her neck, and I could already feel my skinny jeans tightening.

She then attempted to pull away from me by pushing against my chest, but there was no way she was going to get away. Not now.

"Why are you trying to resist me? I know you like it" I whispered huskily, trying to get her to cave.

"No I don't. Let go of me, please!" she pleaded

I could hear the panic and fear in her voice, and I felt sick inside. But I couldn't stop, not now.

"If you don't let me go, I'll scream!" she threatened

"Go ahead and scream" I said, "No one will hear you."

She ignored my statement and let out a bone chilling scream that still haunts me to this very day. I then proceeded to cover her mouth with my hand, just in case, and dragged her to a dark alley. I gently placed her on the ground and crawled over her, carefully removing her thin floral dress. My breathing was heaving as I opened the condom and put it on. I could hear her quietly sobbing as I thrust into her, my heart breaking just a little bit more in the process. "I'm sorry" I whispered repeatedly "I'm sorry".

End of Chapter 2

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><p><strong>Did ya like it? I was trying to make Eli sound like a good guy...deep down he really is. I hope you guys see that too!<strong>

**Revieww! :)**


	3. Love at First Sight

Clare's POV

I was knocked out of my thoughts when I heard a commotion going on outside of my apartment door. I walked over to my door to look out my peephole, and saw that someone was moving into the apartment across the hall, I wasn't in the mood for loud noises, so I decided to get out of my apartment for a while and go visit my best friend Alli downtown.

I grabbed my purse and keys and went out the door. While I was waiting for the elevator down the hall I watched the movers place furniture into the apartment. I wondered who my new "neighbor" would be, and began to think that maybe I could befriend them. Besides Alli, my only friends were, well nobody. My thoughts were once again interrupted, this time by the ding of the elevator. As the doors slowly opened I found myself looking at the most attractive man I have ever seen. He was a bit taller than me with shaggy dark brown hair that swept across his forehead in the most perfect way, He was wearing all black clothing, that surprisingly suited him perfectly. His intense eyes were a beautiful shade of jade green, and as weird as it sounds, I felt as if he were looking into my soul or something.

He cleared his throat and stepped out of the elevator, giving me a friendly "good morning" and a smirk, I couldn't help but notice that his voice was really familiar, but I couldn't tell from where I've heard it before. I responded with a sad smile, and pressed the lobby button. His eyes never left mine, as the elavator doors slowly closed.

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><p>Eli's POV<p>

I was brought back to reality when I heard the ding of the elevator, signaling I was at the twelfth floor. As the doors slowing opened I found myself face to face with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. She was a bit shorter than I was, the perfect height, her beautiful face was framed with auburn curls reaching just below her ears, and she had the most amazingly stunning blue eyes, that I could see myself staring into for the rest of my life. As cheesy as it sounds, I swear my heart skipped a beat when I saw her.

I cleared my throat and stepped out of the elevator, giving her a friendly "good morning" and my signature smirk, her only response was a sad smile as she stepped into the elevator and pressed the lobby button. I stared at her until the doors closed.

End of Chapter 3


	4. Moving On

Clare's POV

As soon as the doors closed my mind began to wander with thoughts of the mysterious stranger I had just encountered. Something about him was so _familiar_, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I began to wonder if this was the person who was going to be my new "neighbor". I squealed in excitement, I had never had guy friends after _that_ night, I just didn't trust them. But something about this stranger was….different, calming almost.

I was so excited, that when I reached the lobby I nearly ran over a woman who was waiting to get into the elevator, I quickly apologized and made my way to the front doors to get into my car and drive to Alli's. As I was driving I barely recognized the street I was on. It was _that_ street. Without warning, tears began to pour from my eyes as the memories came flooding back. No matter how hard I tried to forget them, they _always_ found their way back. I hit the gas, wanting to get off that street as fast as possible, not caring about anything else.

As soon as I was off the street my sobs began to subside. I can't believe that after six years, it would still affect me the same way as if it has just happened yesterday. It was most likely because they had never caught the guy who did it; he wore a condom, which meant no DNA evidence was available for examination, which meant he'd never be caught. And that he would be free to ruin another girls life, just like he had ruined mine. I hated that faceless bastard with every fiber of my being, and I swore to myself that if I were ever to come face to face with him, I'd kill him. He robbed me of my purity, the one thing I was saving for the one guy that I truly fell in love with, now I didn't even have that to give.

After having my little "episode" in my car, I had finally made it to Alli's house. She was the only person, other than my parents of course, that knew about _that_ night_, _I could tell her anything, and trust that she wouldn't tell a soul unless I told her it was okay.

As I walked up the steps to her house, my thoughts once again wandered to the mysterious stranger from the elevator. He was so beautiful, it hurt. He was almost angelic in a way, the way his eyes gazed into mine so intensely, so profoundly. Just thinking about him make my heart beat faster, and made me feel as if there were butterflies in my stomach. Pretty cliché huh?

My thoughts were interrupted once again when Alli opened the door. She squealed as she pulled me into a tight bear-hug.

"Clare! What a wonderful surprise! I haven't seen you in SO LONG!" squeaked Alli in excitement.

"I missed you too Alli!" I laughed as I pulled out of her tight hug.

"Come in, come in" she said as she motion with her hand for me to enter.

I stepped inside of Alli's house and was quickly pulled to the couch.

"So tell me what's ne- Oh my gosh Clare, what's wrong? Have you been crying?" Asked Alli worriedly

"Maybe…."

"Why, what happened?"

I began to tell her about what had happened in the car, and about how I swore to kill him if he ever crossed my path.

"Clare, you know you don't mean that. I know you hate him for what he did to you, but I know that you would never be capable of stooping down to his level".

Alli was right. I didn't have it in me to kill another human being, regardless of what he did to me.

"You're right Alli, I don't know what I was thinking"

"It's okay Clare, you were upset, and it's understandable"

"So, have any good news?" Asked Alli curiously

"Actually I do" as I said this I began to blush wildly and smile like a love sick idiot, which made no sense whatsoever considering I had only ever seen this guy once.

"Ohhhh! It's about a guy! I can already tell! SPILL!" yelled Alli enthusiastically

I laughed and proceeded to tell her about the encounter in the elevator, and how he stared at me with his gorgeous green eyes, and his smirk. Oh his smirk, that made me melt inside.

"OH MY GOD! You're falling for him; I can already see the love in your eyes!"

"Alli, calm down, I've only seen this guy once in my life and I don't even know his name"

"Well then, get to knowing" said Alli with a wink

I rolled my eyes playfully and laughed. Alli always knew how to get me in a good mood, and stop thinking about _him._ I checked my watch and told Alli I needed to be heading home, because it was getting late, and after _that_ night I've never stayed out too late.

"Okay, bye Clare! Come visit me again soon! Or better yet, I'll come to your place to see if I can catch a glimpse of your mystery man" said Alli as she playfully wiggled her eyebrows seductively

"We'll see about that, Alli"

I gave her a hug goodbye and got into my car to head home. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe things were starting to finally go right in my life; maybe I can finally put _him_ and my horrible past behind me.

I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I didn't even notice that I was driving down _that_ street, and for once in my life after my rape, I didn't even feel the need to cry . Finally, after six years, I was starting to move on, maybe time does heal everything, I thought.

End of Chapter 4


	5. New Neighbors

**I know its been awhile since I updated, but I had a bit of a writer's block :P**

**Buttttt, the good news is I'm back! wooohhooooo! :D**

**Hope you like this chapterr(:**

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><p>Clare's POV<p>

When I got home I noticed that all the movers were gone from the apartment, and that the door was closed, so I assumed that they were all done moving in. I decided to be friendly and bring over some leftovers from the night before, since they probably wouldn't be up for cooking after spending the whole day unpacking.

I unlocked my door, and went straight to the fridge to pull out the leftover lasagna I hadn't eaten the night before, and placed good amount of it on a plate, and then covered it in plastic wrap. I then placed it on the counter and headed to the bathroom to clean myself up.

When I looked in the mirror, I gasped. I didn't realize how terrible I looked. My eyes were red and puffy, and appeared lifeless, my make-up was smudged all over, and my face was tear-stained. I washed my face off, quickly brushed my teeth, and re-applied a bit of make-up, so I wouldn't look so bland. I also noticed my hair was a bit messed up, so I took out my curling iron and re-curled a few of them too.

When I was satisfied with my appearance I exited the bathroom, grabbed the lasagna and headed out the door. I walked across the hall and softly knocked on the door. The door opened and I found myself face to face with the very attractive man I had encountered earlier today. I hadn't realized that I had been staring at him intensely until he cleared his throat and asked:

"May I help you?"

I could already feel myself blushing as I answered: "I-um, I saw that I had a new neighbor and I figured I'd be friendly and bring over some dinner…."

"What no dessert?" He asked,

"No. But I-uh, I-I could go get some. I-I think I-um have some back at my-uh apartment."

As I turned to leave, he softly grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"I was just teasing. Thank you. This is really thoughtful of you".

I looked up into his intense jade green eyes, and felt myself blushing harder. Still holding my arm, he looked down and said:

"You know, now that I look at it, that's quite a bit food you got there. Would you like to join me? It's the least I could do, considering that you probably just saved everyone in this entire building."

"Wh-What do you mean?" I asked curiously

"Well, I'm a terrible cook. And with my luck I probably would've set the building on fire."

I thought about it for a second, then smiled and said:

"Then I guess it's sort of my duty to have dinner with you then. I wouldn't want anybody dying on my account"

"No, you wouldn't" he said with a smirk, and softly let go of my arm.

He stepped aside and motioned for me to come in, "You let complete strangers into your apartment?" I asked playfully as I walked inside. "What if there was a chance that I was serial killer or something?"

"Then I'd take that chance."

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><p>Eli's POV<p>

As soon as the doors closed I found myself engulfed with thoughts of this stunning woman. I imagined my lips against hers, and my hands grazing across her beautif- Stop it Eli, I thought to myself, you can't go down this path. You can't screw up this woman's life, you don't even know her. I shook my head trying to erase the tempting images from my mind as I walked down the hallway to my new apartment.

Once inside I noticed that the movers were just about done placing all the furniture and boxes inside, so I paid each of them a good amount of money and told them that they could head out, because I would be doing the unpacking. I didn't trust anyone with my personal items, except myself.

The apartment was small, nothing special. It had two good sized bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room area, and of course a kitchen. I walked around and noticed that the movers had placed my bed in the largest bedroom, good, I thought smugly, less work me.

I grabbed a box labeled 'bedroom' and began to unpack some things, but while doing this I came across my only photo of Julia. It was a fairly large photo that was worn around the edges from all the times I had handled it. I walked over to the bed and sat down, staring at the photo in my hands.

There was no doubt in the world that she was beautiful. She had long dark brown hair that reached down past her shoulders, framing her flawless pale face, and the most innocent brown eyes.

I can still remember the way she would use to bat her eyelashes at me when she wanted something, or the way she would drive me absolutely crazy by pull on the roots of my hair during our make-out sessions. Without warning I felt a tear roll down my cheek and land on Julia's photo, I quickly wiped it off and stood up to place the photo on the table beside my bed. I made a mental note to buy a picture frame for the photo, so it wouldn't get ruined.

After regaining my composure I exited my bedroom, and began to unpack my other boxes. I realized I had been staring at Julia's photo longer than I thought, because it was starting to get dark outside. I walked over to the box labeled 'kitchen' and began to unpack, hoping I could find something to make myself some dinner, even though I sucked at cooking.

When I had finally found something suitable for me to eat, I heard a knock on my door. I walked to the door and opened it, only to find myself face to face with the beautiful woman I had encountered just this very morning.

Since she didn't say anything at first, I cleared my throat and asked:

"May I help you?"

She seemed to hesitate, but soon said: "I-um, I saw that I had a new neighbor and I figured I'd be friendly and bring over some dinner…."

For some reason, she seemed a bit nervous, so I decided to have a little fun and tease her a bit.

"What no dessert?" I asked,

"No. But I-uh, I-I could go get some. I-I think I-um have some back at my-uh apartment."

She turned to leave, but I stopped her by softly grabbing her arm.

"I was just teasing. Thank you. This is really thoughtful of you".

She looked up at me, and I swore I could see a blush creeping upon her face. Why was I having this affect on her, I thought to myself.

I looked down and the plate of food she had in her hands and said:

"You know, now that I look at it, that's quite a bit food you got there. Would you like to join me? It's the least I could do, considering that you probably just saved everyone in this entire building."

"Wh-What do you mean?" she stuttered, and I couldn't help but think it was adorable

"Well, I'm a terrible cook. And with my luck I probably would've set the building on fire." I said

She seemed to hesitate, but then said,

"Then I guess it's sort of my duty to have dinner with you then. I wouldn't want anybody dying on my account"

"No, you wouldn't" I said with a smirk, and I softly let go of her arm.

I stepped aside and motioned for her to come in, "You let complete strangers into your apartment?" she asked raising an eyebrow as she walked inside. "What if there was a chance that I was serial killer or something?"

I smirk and then answered, "Then I'd take that chance."

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><p><strong>Ok so I have a few questions.<strong>

**Do you guys think i should keep writing it the way I am, as in each of their POV's at the same time, or like skip between the two so you don't know what they're thinking at the same time? does that make sense? I hope it does...anywayssss reviewww pleasee! **

**Reviews=Update3**


	6. A Fresh Start

**Ok so I know its been like a year since I last updated, but I just lost interest in writing. But I recently had a gum graft done and I've been stuck at home for days, and watching tv all day isn't fun. So I decided to entertain myself I would continue with this story since so many of you liked it :3 So enjoy! (: And I promise i won't disappear from the face of the planet again. xD**

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><p><strong><em>Clare's POV<em>**

As soon as he closed the door I could feel my heartbeat begin to quicken. I never allowed myself to be alone with a man, ever. I turned toward him to steal a quick glance at his beautiful face, and I felt that I could trust this man, that he wouldn't hurt me.

He moved toward me and gently took the plate of lasagna from my hands, that I hadn't realized I was still holding, and moved to the kitchen to place it in the microwave. I gently cleared my throat and asked

"So, what brings you to the city?"

he seemed to hesitate for a second, but quickly answered, "I needed a fresh start, ya know? New surroundings, new people, and by the looks of it, I made a good choice".

As he said this he gave me a friendly wink, and I could feel the heat begin to rise to my cheeks.

He walked out of the kitchen and motioned for me to sit on the couch. He sat close to me, but not close enough that our legs would touch. We sat there in silence for a while, but it wasn't an awkward silence, it was a comfortable silence. I could feel his eyes on me and I turned my head to meet his gaze. As our eyes met I could feel something inside of me click, like maybe I had finally found someone that would care for me.

"You have pretty eyes" he said softly.

As he said this I looked down and smiled, and replied "Thanks". I knew there was no way to hide my blushing because I could feel that I was as red as a tomato.

Suddenly the microwave began to beep, signaling that the lasagna was warmed up, interrupting the moment we were having.

He smirked at me and got up, making his way to the microwave, I followed him.

I realized that I still did not know this mans name, so I playfully said "I didn't quite catch your name, stranger."

He smiled and replied "Eli. Eli Goldsworthy."

I stuck my hand out for handshake and as he grasped it I said "Clare. Clare Edwards. It is a pleasure to meet you, Eli."

And as odd as it may sound at that moment, when are hands touched, I began to think to myself,

"Maybe things are finally starting to change, Clare, maybe your days of suffering are finally over."

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><p><strong>eeepp! how'd you like it? Good? :D <strong>

**Reviews=Update! (;**


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